note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
