And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
