:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
