Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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