Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
