Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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