dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
