Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My vagina just recognized that song.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?