U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
