youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?