He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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