tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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