Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
