Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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