Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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