my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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