also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
