My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
