Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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