Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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