I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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