I just pynch a tree in the face
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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