So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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