OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
