i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
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Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
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Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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