I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
