Can i not drive my cunt home
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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