I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
