Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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