i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
