GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Boobs are out for the taking
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
