Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
