I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
