Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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