youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
