im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
