It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Enjoy the penises
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
