I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
