Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
