Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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