Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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