dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
