office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's blow job season.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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