You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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