Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.

Fav 22 3173 1086
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"

Fav 10 985 3831
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.

Fav 6 4009 888
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(925): View more from California

So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.

Fav 22 9185 1715
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(630): View more from Illinois

If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.

Fav 15 1832 5675
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(434): View more from Virginia

i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.

Fav 34 3942 3472
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(231): View more from Michigan

using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.

Fav 8 979 2368
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(316): View more from Kansas

I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss

Fav 3 521 866
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(561): View more from Florida

I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint

Fav 0 32 13
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