I'm jealous of your bromance
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
