so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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