I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
