we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
