i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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