Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
