I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
