does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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