can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
