Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
