Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
