sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
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I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
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First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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