So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Enjoy the penises
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
