If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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