I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
