I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
