just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
