Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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