Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
