i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I want a musical about memes.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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