all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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