You smell like stripper and shame
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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