she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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