honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
