Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
