he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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