My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
