I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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