tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
