No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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